Sunday, March 20, 2011

When I Step Out, I'm Gonna Do You In

Today is the first day of Spring and this has been a very nice, in terms of temperatures, weekend. Friday, there beneath the blue suburban skies, we flirted with seventy degree temperatures and ADD poster children as so many of us are, we've already forgotten about the freezing conditions we had in the not too long ago.

As I type this, I'm wearing my "I Probably Don' t Like You Either" tee shirt that everyone finds so funny, except the members of my family who bought it knowing I believe every word to be true. I've got on my faded and frazzled Nike black shorts with my David Peckham running shoes and look like a dumpster exploded. My hair, what there is of it, is all over the place as if I'd weekended in a wind tunnel and I haven't shaved since Friday. So what? I'm inside. Later today when we head over to Mystic for their Saint Patrick's Day Parade with the Red Hot Chili Pipers (they'll put the starch in your sporran) I'll be more presentable-I have my wife's word on that.

We all know the difference between inside and outside, or should. Friday near the William Backus Hospital on my way home I passed a fellow who looked like he was auditioning to be Papa Smurf's stunt double. He had a sleeveless sort of tank top in one of those colors of blue that you never forget no matter how many forks you jab into your temporal lobe. The trousers were almost, but (sadly) not quite, the same color. He had Ban-Lon black socks pulled up to his knees and those gee-I-wish-I-had-bought-Chuck-Taylor-Converse-sneakers. Since no well-dressed man will be seen in public without a suitable hat, he was wearing a NY Yankees baseball cap with green dayglo letters so bright George S, coming back from the Great Beyond, would've found him in a New York Minute. His exposed skin (and there was a LOT of it) wasn't so much very pale as practically translucent.

Every spring I hope this is the year we have a law mandating every residence must have a full length mirror and every year, Congress fails to act. Obviously, it's happened again. There's a saying in Irish households (see, you wondered why I had mentioned the Mystic Parade) that first one up is best one dressed. For the sake of all of those whom you'll meet today and every other day, take a nap in the afternoon but, please, make it a point to rise and shine early.
-bill kenny

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