When You Buy a Ticket You Get the Whole Ride

I had to buy a new 16GB card for my cell phone yesterday. I wrote it like that because I'm not sure for what the GB is an abbreviation and don't want to look foolish when I get it wrong. Happy, now?

Anyway. At some point in my life, or in an earlier life (yes, I'm that good) I bought an 8GB card that cost me $109, sticker still on the blister pack that holds the little plastic box with the dock and the card (yeah, I'm that anal).

Yesterday, at a big box store that went from defining consumer electronics half a decade ago to holding on these days by the corporate skin of its teeth (what kind of a phrase is that anyway?) I paid $24.99.

Coming up with $85 to graduate with a degree in Moores' Law seems like a pretty good deal unless, after you wait, there really is more, or Moore as the case may be.

I learned by looking at the receipt that I have 41 Reward Zone (RZ) points. I have no idea what one of them is worth, or concomitantly, what all of them are worth. I do admit the only thing larger than my ignorance is my total indifference. Do they expire or, through the miracle of compound interest, do they grow? Clue none.

I was invited at the bottom of the receipt to fill out an on-line survey, enticed by the promise of a chance to win a gift certificate of $500 or $5000 (I don't actually remember which) which, in light of my 41 RZ (lifetime, so far) points is more than enough to last me forever.

It was a New Age survey. At one point I was asked to pick a number, with one as the most disagree and 10 as the most agree, by rating the statement, "I'm proud to be a customer of Name of Store." In the same section was a companion question, same rating scheme to this warm kitten with rainbow farts coming out of its butt: "Name of Store has my best interests at heart."

I much prefer the 'if you were a cloud what kind would you be' questions because I know even less about that stuff than this. Something else I learned was, to spare both them and me embarrassment, I attempted to NOT answer the questions at all and to just move on 'nothing to see here', but the survey will not allow that to happen. Ve haf vays auf magging u antszer.

Everyone who knows me will tell you I strive to be the soul of helpfulness-they will also note in passing I am often delusional, but helpfulness and the state of my soul is a constant topic. So in that spirit of delusional helpfulness, I waited for the end of the survey where, instead of filling in circles, I was able to use my words to construct what I'm sure will be seen as soul of helpfulness suggestions to make them a better store.

However, since I admit to being acquired taste who is sometimes cruelly misunderstood by billion dollar combinations in restraint of trade and sane business practices, if you find yourself 41 RZ points short on that big screen TV or holodeck projector-give me a ring and I'll get mine over to you since I suspect I didn't win the gift certificate or even a decent chance of ever getting in the front door again.

Mom used to say don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer. Fair enough.
I much prefer it as 'When you buy a ticket, you get the whole ride.' Keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times while the ride is in motion. Whether it's a Tunnel of Love or a Tunnel of Lunch might have to do with whether you bring a sandwich to a banquet. Napkins optional.
-bill kenny