Friday, December 5, 2014

Loaves and FishMacs

Some days, I enjoy life on earth a little more than others. Welcome to one of The Fun Days.  No matter how jaded and faded you think you are, real life can still put a smile on your face. Though from the distance we are from one another, I’ll concede that what I think is a smile could well be a grimace.

Tell me this doesn’t set your heart racing.  America, Wotta a Country! I must sheepishly admit I was working up my nerve to ask you to throw a few cyber dollars towards Wikipedia because if you’re like me, you don’t know anyone who doesn’t use it at least once a day and they could use a little financial support. But then I see this at indiegogo……

#FeastforJesus indeed. The parable in the New Testament about the Loaves and Fishes comes to mind and I can’t be the only one who thinks using sesame seed buns would really make that a much more memorable miracle. Praise the Lord and pass the tartar sauce.

Hand on your heart, even though thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife or goods, don’t you want (and I mean, really, really want), for only an eight dollar pledge, a McSticker you can put on your laptop or hymn book (or neighbor’s wife, I suppose)?

I may smolder in Purgatory for this (it’ll keep my fries and apple pie warm), but I’m seeing his Holiness, Pope Francis I, cutting a sharp figure as he styles an official “snapback” ball cap, (for a pledge of only $68),  instead of a zucchetto (this is NOT a zucchetto but it is awfully expressive and gets it point across, don’t you think?).

With just the slightest bit of copy editing, we can realign messages more perfectly to include a subtle retelling of the story of the Garden of Eden to reflect the Lord fashioning Eve from a McRib while Adam slept. Afterwards they enjoyed a beverage at the McCafe perhaps from the Dollar menu?

I have to tell you I was a little disappointed with the McGripes masquerading as comments.  Seriously, it’s not like anyone is suggesting we make Mayor McCheese a member of the College of Cardinals, but I do believe with a large enough donation, not just faith can move a mountain. And after a McFlurry of donations, who knows what might happen?

The campaign’s goal is to raise a million dollars by the middle of January. I just hope there’s room in St. Peter’s Square for both the drive-thru and the Golden Arches especially for those donors wishing to supersize their salvation.
-bill kenny

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