Rhymes with Yeth

Are you experiencing some anxiety or trepidation at the thought of leaving your house today, Friday, the 13th? Don't be alarmed. In a study I once nearly read, most misfortune on any day of the week occurs within about twenty miles of the house.

I'm not clear if that's your house, specifically or anyone in particular's house. In any event, just to be safe I think you consider leaving now. And, by the way, I may have made that survey up but as our President would be quick to point out, that does not mean I'm lying (#AlternativeFacts).

But no matter how your day is going or how you fear it may go by the time it reaches its end here's a guy whose misfortune, all self-inflicted wounds by the way, really helps explain the appeal of the word schadenfreude.

I'm still not clear exactly what Duane is smiling about unless he was getting busy waiting for what proved to be the deputy's arrival. And, speaking of which, why do so many people smile in their mug shots? Because they are happy to have been apprehended or do those pictures look better on their Instagram accounts? Is it common practice now to ask the person at Central Processing to put aside some wallet-sized snaps for pick-up later? The way I read this, all we lacked were Barbara Stanwyck and Burt Lancaster.

Technically, of course, this isn't actually an example of the mischief and misfortune that can happen on Friday the 13th because Duane more or less stole a week's march at the time of his arrest. Though, as I read the report it's a pretty logical progression from his previous charge of running a meth lab on a boat. If that idea catches on, I'll bet cruise ship operators won't be able to keep up with the demand.   
-bill kenny