Do Not Attempt

I'm not quite H. L. Mencken in my lack of regard and affection for all the rest of us here on the ant farm with beepers but sometimes, I get pretty close to the bemused (and not amused) contempt and disdain in which he held so much of all of us.

I never really got the lawsuits about the drive-thru coffee being so hot it burned you if spilled when you put the cup between your thighs, mostly because what consenting adults do in the privacy of their cars, to say nothing of the privacy of their thighs, is really none of my business. 

Nor did I appreciate the logic of the labels slapped on the six-foot ladder's paint shelf proclaiming in HUGE letters that 'this is NOT a step!' Fully understood, it's on the other side of the ladder away from the other steps you use to climb it but good to know, I guess.

I mention all of this because there's a lovely (in terms of music and visuals) TV commercial for Mazda that says nothing about the car, though it's shown a lot, because we're hooked on a feeling which is great and one of the purposes of advertising and its evil older sibling, propaganda.

Seconds after it begins and the woman in the commercial holds the automobile's key fob, I'm guessing because the guys in Legal had a concern so many of us are abject idiots and mouthbreathing morons who would not otherwise know this, in tiny letters at the very bottom of the screen as her key fob turns into a red balloon and lifts her into the stratosphere, appears "Dramatization-Do Not Attempt."

And all this time, I thought the key fob might be a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket and every millionth or so might really turn into a red balloon and allow me to fly away, Now, if I feel cheated when that doesn't happen I can't claim I wasn't warned.
-bill kenny