Catch the Mystery

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has been very much in the news over the last fortnight for many of the right reasons as far as I'm concerned. 

This, which showed up appropriately enough in my spam folder is not among them.

                                                 Federal Bureau of Investigation

                                  Field Intelligence Groups The J. Edgar Hoover Building

                            935 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington, DC 20535 

Attention: Beneficiary, 

We sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of certified mail, post-mail, phone, or face-to-face conversation. It's due to the urgency and importance of the security information of our citizens. 

I am deputy director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Paul M. Abbate. We intercepted and seized two consignment boxes at the John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York, NY 11430, coming from a foreign I checked the content of the two consignment boxes and found they contained the sum of US$4.1 million dollars in value of certified payment bond.

 Also, the two consignment boxes had documents with your name on them as the receiver of the package. After questioning the diplomat that accompanied the two consignment boxes into the United States, we learned that he was to deliver these two consignment boxes to your residence as an inheritance/winning prize payment due to you. 

The two consignment boxes' paperwork lacks the PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE forms. We confiscated the two consignment boxes and released the diplomat. According to section 229, subsection 31 of the International Commerce Regulators Code Enforcement Guidelines, the sealed envelope lacks PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE. 

Since the content is valued financial material of such an amount by the joint team of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Homeland Security, you're to reply for direction on how to procure the two consignment boxes and be relieved of the charge of tax evasion, which is a jailable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of the tax code. We will also be asking the IRS to launch an investigation into money laundering if you do not follow our instructions. 

You are required to reply within 72 hours. At that point, I will walk you through the process of clearing and claiming the money. Failure to comply may lead to your arrest, interrogation, and/or you being prosecuted in a court of law for tax evasion and/or money laundering. 

You are also instructed to desist from further contact with any bank(s) or person(s) in the United States, the United Kingdom, or any part of the world regarding your fund because your payment has been confiscated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation here in the United States.

Yours in Service,

Paul M. Abbate

The Deputy Director of the FBI

I almost feel bad for tearing them away from Mar-A-Lago. Almost.
Who comes up with this stuff? And as goofy as you or I might find it, obviously enough people think it credible enough to respond and make it worth the scammers' while. Kind of makes me feel that quarter in my pocket might just burn a hole if I don't give it to someone real soon for a chance to paint that fence.   
-bill kenny