Just Put Your Lips Together

I am a whistler and the worst part of that is I don't always realize I'm doing it. 

A couple of days ago, someone shrieked at me to 'pipe down dammit!' while I was whistling what turned out to be Gunter Gabriel's nearly-forgotten (not by me) evergreen Ohne moos, nichts los (nothing happens without money). That I was the only person on earth who would have recognized the tune, including Gunter himself, isn't really the point, nor is it that it's never okay for people in the church's other confessional booth to use that tone of voice. I didn't realize I was whistling under the influence (of being happy). Dammit? In church?

It also happened in a hallway while I was passing through. Not sure why I was whistling Solsbury Hill specifically but I like that song, not that it's ever a requirement or would stop me from whistling. Two different folks doing that askance and aghast look theater made me realize not everything needs to be at maximum volume or velocity.

One of them demanded to know 'What do you think you're doing!?!' Well, I said, I'm whistling but I'm keen to hear what it looks like from where you are. He didn't even attempt a rejoinder-just went right on into another question, 'Why are you whistling?' I was tempted to say because humming is silly but decided against that as more eyes and fish faces were turning towards me.

I don't mind being different. However, I do mind being beaten up for being different and people with no appreciation for good music wouldn't hesitate to thrash me within an inch of my life, or even go metric if they could get closer. Of course, it may well be precisely because they do appreciate music that they'd smack me like a grey haired pinata with a bald spot.

I knew better than to tell them I would next attempt I Was Kaiser Bill's Batman. They'd have probably asked Commissioner Gordon to club me like a baby seal.
-bill kenny