Friday, June 24, 2011

I "Like" SWAT Standoffs

It's nice to think of ourselves as the Crown of Creation. Probably a bit conceited, too, and slightly hard to defend or rationalize when cornered I imagine. I have the sinking suspicion, looking at the various lifeforms here on the Big Blue Marble, we'd probably NOT win an open vote on that honor and might finally learn just how big our brains are when various large and angry members of the animal kingdom cracked us wide open like macadamia nuts with legs. Opposable thumbs can take you only so far (usually the city limits).

And then, as tenuous as our place in the food chain is you have a whackjob like Jason Valdez. That, for what it's worth seems to be his good side, the outside. The contents are slightly damaged, judging from his most recent 'look at me' stunt. You can't make this $hit up. With the worldwide number of Facebook accounts having passed 600 Million to start the year, of course Jason is another luckless, lunchless loser who lives out loud.

I blame OJ, not like Dennis Miller does (no one blames The Juice like Dennis Miller does), but for the whole grab your moment in the spotlight kopf durch wand approach to living life. So many of us called shotgun in Al Cowlings' Bronco the line is still there. And nobody could come up with an endorsement deal for AC? If not Ford (what a natural fit!) then in light of the dog's breakfast that the chase made of the California highway system, how about E-Z Pass?

We are sheep, but socialized sheep. Jason supposedly not only got tips on how the standoff was going from Facebook friends, he made SIX new ones while holed up in the Ogden, Utah, Western Colony Hotel (Hey AC! Didja notice how the hotel got a mention on the Standard-Examiner's website. Burns huh?).

And we keep thinking we should be afraid of crazies halfway around the globe who vow to hate with their (but preferably our) dying breath. Instead, the decay is so advanced all you can do is shake your head in dismay and disbelief. That Jason tried, and failed, to cap himself at the end of the escapade is almost parenthetically pathetic.

Be advised, homie, the writers may change the ending before we start filming for Lifetime Movie Network or ilang tulad ng basura. If the shirts at Network like it, we'll set up a series deal. If we could just get Kato Kaelin to 'like' our FB page we'd be in butter, brother.
-bill kenny

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