Your Goal Should Be to Buy Wins

As a small child, I wanted to be a cowboy. And a baseball player. And an astronaut and the President of the United States. Turns out only one of those makes money and since neither of us have ever hired an astronaut to moon walk in a bouncy house, I think we both know which profession is synonymous with obscene amounts of filthy lucre.

Still need a hint? Okay, but just initials, please. Jacoby Ellsbury. I have loved the Yankees since before I was capable of actual thought (I hear the snickers of Red Sox Nation but pay them no mind) and as long as my name isn't typed on the line below the signature on the pay checks, my opinion on this signing is just that, my opinion....but is that American dollars?

Seriously-we live in flamboyant times. We have 'warriors' on the professional football gridiron (just ask the ex-jocks in the broadcast booths who had no clue when they played and less now that they don't) taking Mom and Pop Warner to the bank every week.

I don't follow hockey or pro basketball closely enough to understand those sports' salary structures, but growing up in my father's house, we didn't call the NBA 'millionaires in their underwear' for nothing.

Still. Jacoby. Buddy. Bubalah. Seriously? You'll need a Brinks truck to go on a family outing to the bank. I worried about our children growing up and becoming possessed by their possessions (no real worries; we were, and are, poor but still, you can't be too careful) but this is a deal that makes Scrooge McDuck's money pond look like a kiddie pool. All for a game.

No wonder we still have no cure for cancer or AIDS, no money in it. Learn to hit a two seam fastball and we'll give you the key to the vault. And make no mistake-I don't blame the player, but, rather, the game and those who make it not possible, but inevitable, fans like us.

In the future, beings from another solar system will land on our desiccated and decimated planet and drive past warehouses with desks and books they may eventually guess were schools and that are similar to what they believe were our prisons except there were handles on the insides of the doors.

They will pass our houses of worship and our sports stadia and become very confused, very sad and very frightened so much so they will scurry back to their ships and leave before whatever destroyed us infects them as well.
-bill kenny