I discovered earlier this week that I actually really have a super power. Whether I can use it to create my very own Life of Reilly (not Bill O’ but this one) has yet to be determined but I’m doing so well already that it’s sort of a moot point (from which you can see Rising Gorge on a clear night; see, Sara J, I do remember some stuff from long ago).
I think I’m downplaying the superpower because it’s not really as dramatic and life-affirming as I’d have hoped if I were being given the chance to choose my own. Are you ready? I have the power to make full to their top black plastic garbage can liners stand up, and not tip over even a little bit, when taken out of the trash receptacle.
Don’t snort in derision (perhaps super hearing is now also another of my superpowers). I’m very excited about this. I already had the glasses and have had a cape for years that I keep in the car, in the spare tire wheel well and that I have to explain whenever the Triple A road service folks come to give me a hand on the interstate.
Yeah, I know it’s not much; but it’s something and I’m grateful for it. I was completely surprised when I discovered this secret ability and have been dismayed at the number of blasé people who live in my neighborhood. No matter how many folks I demonstrated this to yesterday none of them were impressed. One even asked me if I’d take the bag with me on my way out and put it in the bin. I did. But I did NOT do so with a glad heart, let me tell you.
Would I have preferred something more along the lines of an ability to rapidly straighten out grocery shelves of canned goods in disarray? Maybe. Though I’m unclear if the Forces of Evil have designs on wreaking havoc in those aisles of our groceries. I’m thinking of asking Dick “20/20 Hindsight” Cheney what he thinks but figure if I can wait another thirty seconds he’ll tell me all about it unsolicited. A guy who really is his name. Glad that’s not my superpower. I’ll rejoice with my trash bags and be glad.
Unless I’m being Hefty.
-bill kenny
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