It's estimated there are over thirty-two million adult Americans who cannot read. If you had to have someone read you that first sentence, congratulations, I'm talking about you. Not to you, mind you, or you, too (a play on words wasted if you can't read, I guess), just about you.
I mention that not because there are an almost unending number of adult literacy outreach programs wherever you live in this country, though there are, but because for reasons having to do with serendipity and the Universe's sense of humor, I rediscovered a smile nugget, truly a gem of a story that causes me to grin every time I read it, that would mean absolutely nothing to me if I weren't able to read. Let's see if that's also true for you.
I believe, literate or not the marten in the news account would still be dead, whether Mary or John, regardless of spelling and that punched nose would still be very much so.