Thursday, March 25, 2021

Breakfast of Champions

Every time I move, I'm channeling a breakfast cereal as 'snap, crackle, and pop!' seems to emanate from every joint and bone in my body reminding me of some words from long ago that, at the time, I called: 

Kurt Would Probably Use Rice Milk

I am not a big fan of experimentation and plod along for the most part with one foot in front of the other in travel and travail from Point A to something like Point B. I've found that it fills up the day and makes the time go fast.

In the morning I have a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. I knew someone who called them bagel seeds-suspect the Big G folks wouldn't have been too happy about that but it makes me smile and I repeat it to myself every morning and crack myself up. 

I never tire of saying it or laughing at it. If I had but a million or so folks with my delightful sense of humor (someone had to say it, and it didn't look like you were about to) I could have my own cable news show-and oh, how we'd all laugh then. I have Cheerios in the next to last of the red plastic bowls we had when we lived in Germany and used for cereal there.

Some years ago, Sigrid finally (endlich!) found very nice and (actually) quite pretty replacement bowls and the red plastic ones went to the land(fill) of their ancestors on trash day. As the oldest thing remaining still in our house, I get VERY nervous when anything is pitched out 'because it's really old.' You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows on that equation (at least I don't).

I eat Cheerios and none of the generic brands (which all taste like cardboard and don't even feel like Cheerios) without sugar or milk. Actually, and I don't eat a lot of cereals, I NEVER eat dry cereal with anything other than a spoon and my mouth. Why do you think they call it DRY cereal?

What am I supposed to do with the milk? Drop little tiny people in the bowl, so they can be rescued? Perhaps I should get a recording of Nearer My God to Thee, and using sugar cubes to construct a fake iceberg, reenact the sinking of the Titanic. Of course, with that much sugar in my system, I'd be crayoning all the walls of the house, from the outside in, until sedated with a croquet mallet.

I used to eat Wheaties, back when Bob Richards was on the cover (I don't how old I was before discovering he didn't invent them but was the first endorser of a cereal. I never count the Quaker guy on the oats). I guess if you had a box with Michael Phelps, using milk would make sense, but for that collector's edition, I guess you'd have to use the ultra-high temperature stuff that looks to me more like white water.

Between us, I've never understood how they get the cows to stand still while they heat 'em up. I just assume they catch them by surprise very early in the morning.

-bill kenny

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