Maybe It's the Leaves

I've done enough reading about Seasonal Affective Disorder to know I'm sad, not SAD. 

I go through it every autumn and for the same reason: I hate winter. Coward that I am I take it out on the falling leaves instead of the falling snow and blustery winds. 

And in addition to the sadness, I have this nagging and growing doubt that's slowly elbowing aside my pseudo-self-confidence and I'm not sure what to do about that. I've spent most of my life frequently in error but rarely in doubt so this sensation is both very new and unwelcome.

The Germans call it Tor-Schluss Panik, the fear that the doors are starting to close. 

And in my case, those fears are very rational and I have the somber-faced health care professionals to prove it. I'm kind of hoping for a mild winter, both of my discontent and our immediate area. I'll get back to you on how that all works out, assuming it does.
-bill kenny