This, That, and Some of the Other

I saw a man yesterday with a Mohawk haircut, but the part that wasn't in the Mohawk was shaved to the naked scalp. He was wearing a three-piece suit that probably cost at least twice what my car is worth. I cannot imagine what he does for a living that allows him to keep that hairstyle as part of what he does for a living. He wasn't a young guy, either. I'm not especially good at guessing ages, or weight for that matter, so I’ve concluded that a career as a carnie is out.

Actually he was closer to being my age and he looked as silly as the guys my age (and older) with whom I didn't go to Woodstock all look now. You’ve seen us too: longish hair, usually gray, frayed, and wispy, maybe in a ponytail with possibly a bald spot (I call mine a solar panel).

And since I’m semi-kvetching, how about the motorist who compensates for his car's driver's side headlamp being burned out by driving with his high beams on and not dimming them as you and he approach one another. Yeah, I remember what the Driver Ed teacher always said: don't retaliate and turn yours on-it makes two blinded drivers but still... Instead, I turn off all my lights which makes it easier for Hi-Beam to see me behind the wheel while I visually suggest he's my #1 special friend, but not in a good way.

I also don't know what to do about the driver who goes up a one-way street the wrong way for a short distance, but always at a crawl because he certainly doesn't want to cause an accident, to pull into somebody's driveway, rather than go around the block. I love when he comes nose to nose with a car traveling the street in the proper direction and they glare at each other like Mr. Upstream Salmon has any comeback at all. 

Or that fellow’s cousin, the driver who backs up a one-way street the wrong way with his car flashers on, though I guess that doesn't count as much. Makes traffic circles and roundabouts seem like a walk in the park.

Speaking of semi-imponderables and changing subjects: How many crumbs from the toaster tray does it take to create an entirely new piece of bread, and can you toast that slice when you've completed assembly? Feel free to discuss (but show your work).

Finally, at the risk of poking the bear (but not caring), the Presidential election is long over. Take the bumper stickers off-and I mean ALL of them, not just for the guy who lost but the guy who won as well.

We cringe when our elected representatives blame one another for everything from Bill Buckner booting that grounder in 1986 to whether our dogs are getting enough cheese and yet here we are, not remembering that a single-edge razor blade can be your friend.

But judging from the number of three-day growths I've seen lately, every bumper in America will continue to be gleaming from sea to shining, or perhaps whining, sea. I can only assume we're working out a way to offer an artisanal mohawk plucking job to those promised chickens in every pot unless your cookbook calls for it the other way around.
-bill kenny