Monday, January 27, 2014

Frivolity Full Speed Ahead

I noticed yesterday morning on the handles of the elevated treadmill I was on at my fitness center some of that boilerplate disclaimer stuff we see so often that, after a while, it's invisible.

In large, bold print it noted noted "serious injury may occur..." and in smaller print went through a whole litany of circumstances in which this could happen to the point that suggested just standing and reading the disclaimer was really asking for it as well.

It all looked like common sense stuff to me but then again I'm the guy who grew up listening to Petula Clark sing 'don't sleep in the subway darlin', don't stand in the pouring rain' and wondered where did she find all these losers in the first place?

Did you ever read all the words on the back of a dry cleaning ticket. The least of your problems is losing it, believe me. You're worrying about the number on the front and you should sweat the small print on the back. Very spooky. And let's not look at airplane tickets, and yes, Patrick, I'm talking to you. If the planes were as ironclad as the indemnifications on the back, we could eliminate the FAA.

There's one TV supplement or something that you can order where the disclaimer on the screen basically says that you agree by calling the toll-free number to order you cannot take part in the class action lawsuit currently filed against the product provider. Yeah, sign me up for some of that. I have always wanted to be a lab experiment and I'm too ugly to be a Plaster of Paris volcano (and get your mind out of the gutter, okay?)

I think ever since Liebeck vs McDonald's we've been fighting a rear-guard action against stupid, and stupid is winning. It's like that sticker on the very top of the folding ladder telling you "this is not a step." Really? Is it a pony ride for my birthday, because I've always wanted one of those and if this isn't that then I think I have a hole in my heart that only a whole lot of (your) money can fill.
-bill kenny

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