Happy HalloThanksXmasYear!

The countdown to "the holidays" has already started. I was disquieted when my local big box stores were rolling out the "Dumpsters O' Candy" for all the trick or treaters before Labor Day (the ghost with the most can wear white even after, I guess).

And then I saw Christmas lights on a shop entrance this past weekend and my first impulse was to contemplate burning the place down. I'm inclined to use flaming figgie pudding as an accelerator because that's how my sense of humor runs and send firemen with seltzer bottles to battle the blaze.

I love Christmas and hate nearly all the hookum that comes with it, to include but not limited to all the different calendars that count down the days to Black Friday or whatever it is we are calling that increment on the calendar when Santa Claus brings the Baby Jesus a gift certificate to the Gap for Kids or whatever you get children born in barns.

Stop rolling the various holidays together but, first of all, let's STOP pretending Halloween isn't just a creation of the Mars and Hershey's folks, okay? If you're a grown-up and you get excited about this non-holiday holiday, there are no words to capture my contempt for you, if you try to force me to 'celebrate.'

If you stay over on your side of the universe with whatever you do on Halloween, (please don't call them 'customs' or I will be ill) that's terrific and thanks. But only if you don't send me a card, okay?

Thanksgiving is for families and not for anything else. If you like to watch football, I'd be a lot happier if you did it with your family at your house. And if you're in a relationship where you and your significant other have discussions about which holiday is spent at whose parent's houses and you have a schedule set up, you are in the wrong relationship.

As we get ready to hit the holidays, please.... Start your own traditions with whomever you call your family. And remember your family is whomever you care about and whomever cares about you. If you have a legal or biological relationship to one another, great, perhaps even better, but if not, so what? And NOT knowing today how many shopping days there are until the Feast of Saint Hubbins may be enough to start a family.
-bill kenny