Halcyon Half-Hallucinations

This is from so long ago, I wasn't even alive (or maybe awake, I get confused) when I wrote it (and a lot of people are kinda pissed that I am now, so go figure). At the time I called it:  

I'm Lovin' It-Her, Not So Much

There are days when the public relations kids cannot make this stuff up. That's why they have radio, print, and television outlets. Who among us, toiling in the pursuit of persuasion, doesn't want rabid fans of your good or service who will ACCEPT NO LESS than your product, OR ELSE. 

This is one such 'news from the newsroom floor' item and if I'm in the fast-food business I'm riding this palomino pony until the little guy's legs wear down to the nubs and my stirrups touch the ground: "Woman gets violent over lack of McNuggets".

I live for stories like this and am very grateful one of our local (for me) newspapers had it in its online edition earlier this week, though the copy suggests the incident actually happened a week ago. Not sure if I was more surprised that she pleaded not guilty (I realize the presumption and assumption of innocence is the cornerstone of our legal system) or that she was, as I understand it, arraigned on a Saturday. 

Toledo, Ohio, may be suffering a shortage of Chicken McNuggets and that's unfortunate (unless you're a chicken) and, I'll admit, may not speak well for their casual dining industry, but....that their court system is in session on a Saturday morning, is refreshingly reassuring. The system not only works, it works weekends, and, I suspect, is as diligent in running to ground felonious foodies, be they pizza pilferers, doughnut delinquents or even kebabnappers.

This entire incident underscores my belief in law and order, though in this case, I think the attempted order actually preceded (and in no small part) precipitated the encounter with the law. I wouldn't be surprised if Dick Wolf sees some money in all of this. And as I'm working through the various accounts, I've developed a respect for the physical prowess of Melodi Dushane, who has the look of a woman very accustomed to getting her Chicken McNuggets with as many different dipping sauces as she wants. You think I jest? Have a seat, buckaroo, pick a fist and use it, while still seated, to punch something (anything) as hard as you can in an attempt to break it. How'd that work out. Better eat your Wheaties, eh?

I'm wondering if Wendy's, whose chain began in Ohio, have contacted her for an endorsement. I think they're just rolling out a new spicy chicken nugget, and you know how they say 'timing is everything'. If they also offer, as a beverage choice, Hawaiian Punch, we could see some awesome cross-promotional commercials during this Super Bowl. But sit back from the screen.
-bill kenny