Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Like a River Full of Gravity

I wear a lot of T-shirts with a pocket. I don't understand shirts, or any article of outer clothing, that doesn't have pockets (perhaps socks could be the exception). Where else am I to keep all of the fun otherwise?

I have some spiffy sport shirts, and at least one with the guy on the horse, in my wardrobe at the moment. I don't have any of the shirts that feature an alligator, or one with an alligator eating a guy on a horse (I think we'd both remember that one). And while I used to have a lot of rock and roll T-shirts, most of the folks I used to listen to are disbanded or deceased (making me the winner, I think).

I'm not a fan of the 'clever sayings' T-shirts, though I suspect they have a more official-sounding name than that. I find very few of the things folks have on their chest, or lower, and/or back to be thigh-slappingly funny. I see a lot of people of both sexes (or should I say 'of all sexes'?) at the gym in shirts and outfits that really make me feel every day of my seven-plus decades. And one of the reasons I've stopped going.


I recall two guys wandering into the facility while I was cursing the treadmill in the kind of clothes that lead you to believe their households are governed by that 'first one up is best one dressed' rule, and they are late sleepers. On the front of the one guy's black tee shirt in white letters was "Weakness is for Tussies" but with a P instead of a T. On the back was "Balls to the Wall" (without a second S for wall).

The other fellow's shirt back had "Train Like a Maniac," and when he turned around, he had what appeared to be a self-portrait of himself on the front, under his chin. And people wonder why I insist on earpieces and listening to music on my cell phone. I am now so rude that when people speak to me, I NEVER remove the earpieces, but just repeat over and over again, 'I won't hear you, I won't hear you.' Some think I should say can't, but I've chosen that verb deliberately.

I actually do have a shirt with a slogan. I got it years ago, and it's still true. People smile when they read it, though they shouldn't. It says, "I probably don't like you either." In light of how my curmudgeon reputation is spreading, it might be useful to get a shirt with my name and address on one side and 'other side up' to go with it. And then hope all those folks from the Literacy Volunteers keep their funding.
-bill kenny

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