Two of Five

Maria Muldaur sang decades ago, 'It Ain't the Meat, It's the Motion' itself a cover of a decades old song by The Swallows (who knew butchers were so popular even while so many sported 'I Like Ike (and center-cut pork chops)' buttons?). And it was she I thought of the other night while flipping through the TV stations (I'm a hunter, not so much a gatherer, when it comes to video offerings).

Don't remember which cable channel it was but it was two people, turns out they were sitting in the settee area of a bowling alley (in the background you could see a lane and full rack of pins (is that what that's called? You know what I mean). She had way too many teeth for her mouth and he must've been working on an illegal smile (there was NO swimming pool anywhere that I could see) because he was just too happy.

It was time for the wrap, where the on-air talent (there's a kind description) summarizes what we just saw (gives you an idea of the regard in which they hold the viewers when they feel the need to tell me what I just saw, unless I just ended up here on this station in which case, it's wasted because I didn't see it), urges me to come back the next time and says goodbye, the more memorable, the better.

She was pretty straight-forward and I have no idea what he spoke about except it ended with "It's on like Donkey Kong" at which point he stood up and walked away from the camera, towards the lane, grabbed a bowling ball and flung it down the alley where he didn't knock all the pins down. At no point did the camera move-to include zoom out (or in) tilt or pan. Leaving me, the viewer, to stare at the TV with a blank space on the left side of the screen where he used to be in the foreground while she sat there, screen right, looking into the camera like Nipper on the RCA Records label and boy, did all of that seem awkward.

Later, actually hours later, I realized I had heard the phrase before, in a TV commercial from one or the other Manning Football Brothers, or Football Brothers Manning (or some variation thereof), though I don't recall the product (and it's left a void in my life) and, thanks to the Internet, I now know what it means. I can shout it out myself, loud and proud, confident in its meaning while throwing down with my peeps (whatever that is), if I had any (which I don't).

As opposed to Donkey Kong, I'm a big fan of bowling, though I don't actually bowl. I love the idea of rental shoes designed to be so ugly that no one is tempted to steal them, and what other sport lets you drink beer while playing? Chess? I think not, Bobby Fisher.
-bill kenny