The Dark Side of Hands Free Cell Phone Operation

I think we all agree that cell phones transitioned from a "Dig Me!" item of personal and flamboyant extravagance to a ubiquitous and an absolute essential in nearly less time that it would take Donald Trump to diagram this sentence (bigly). I mean, what would life be without the ability to send one another cat memes? If you just said 'catastrophic,' thank you because that's what I was thinking and  I didn't want to be alone.

I agree fully with public safety officials' contentions that, while driving, they are a distraction but I'm waiting for all of those experts to agree with me that we must also include listening to the radio, drinking coffee, eating a burger (and/or a slice of pizza), shaving, and applying makeup (all of which I have watched transpire in vehicles in front and beside me) aren't a walk in the park. 

Truth to tell, putting glass in the front windshield (the Brits say 'windscreen' like you were driving some sort of a motorized colander) was probably the first and biggest distraction and we've been coping ever since. 

Just about every one of our fifty not as United-as-we-hope-to-be-states has hands-free while driving cell phone prohibitions in our laws, and that's undoubtedly a very good thing except when I recall that old admonition about 'idle hands are the devil's workshop.'   

As an example of that, allow me to introduce you to one Ruberto Pasquale, who single-handedly (pun intended) has done more to boost auto interior roof cleanings than anyone in the history of car washes could have ever hoped. When self-pleasuring becomes an Olympic event (you scoff? We have selfies, don't we?)  we're going to see Ruberto on the medals podium. You probably do not need a reminder to NOT offer him a congratulatory handshake.
-bill kenny