One of America's Great National Past Times

Another Winter Olympics is history and I watched about the same number of hours on the plethora of NBC stations carrying them as Greece, the home of the original Olympics, has Winter Games' Gold Medals (okay, a little more). By now, the entire world knows Canada beat the USA in both women's and men's hockey by, respectively, 2-0 and 3-2 (in overtime) scores. I've yet to read/hear whispers about the men's team drinking beer and champagne and smoking cigars in celebration of their triumph after the spectators left the arena, fueling speculation that not only may Marie-Philip Poulin be twice the man Sidney Crosby is, she has a better smile.

Someone explained that 'hockey is the national sport in Canada.' I don't know if that's an official designation though, whatever the case, I think it's nice and only fitting, in the interests of being good guests that Canada achieved the gold medals in those disciplines. They had to host the rest of the world for the last two weeks and not everyone is as well-behaved and as self-effacing as their neighbors to the South, us. I guess, technically, we are Canada's Mexicans in much the same way as we are Mexico's Canadians. (This is where we could join hands and sing a verse or two of Richard and Robert Sherman's opus, but don't do it near me, okay?)

That got me to wondering what national sport we'll decide is Russia's in 2014 when they host the Winter Olympics. That sound you hear is my mind boggling. And what about US, not just us, I mean the USA. When will the summer Olympics add NASCAR? Why shouldn't Andorra's Olympians have Go Daddy fire suits? Or how about Monster Trucks? Why settle for Greco-Roman wrestling when there's WWE? And don't tell me we're the only country on earth with dogs running the length of docks leaping into the air and landing in the water. I feel a Wide World moment coming on.

Considering the dollars, petro and otherwise, changing hands for the rights to broadcast the Olympics to the farthest corner of the universe where, I suspect, the reaction is often like it was in my house for the last two weeks ("I didn't know the Pro Disc Golf Association channel was an NBC affiliate!"), we might seriously consider throwing the competitions wide open (except for baseball, of course, which is NO longer an Olympic sport while beach volleyball is. I'm thinking someone saw photos of Dave Ortiz and Lynda Street in bathing suits and the race was run...) so put those thinking caps on.

I'm holding out, of course, for that most national of all of our past times, bailing out Too Big to Fails with other people's money. The problem, as I understand it right now is lining up sponsors. No worries, we've got four years to square this away. What's that? Beer Pong? Brilliant!
-bill kenny