I also chuckle when I get an e-mail (or two or thirty) from the Director of the FBI and, on a regular basis so perhaps her husband, the Mango Mussolini, should be concerned, from Melania Trump. Of course, all of it is bogosity incarnate but it is a fun read.
And then earlier in the week this showed up and cracked me up. Aside from "Best Use of ALL CAPS in a Dramatic Role," (will be a category in next year's Oscars, I'm told) is just the attitude that comes through in every line. Read for yourself:
HELLO MY ASSOCIATES.
MY NAME IS Mohammed Bill, AM A DRUG LORD. WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING IS COCAINE BUSINESS, THAT IS KIND OF BUSINESS I DO, AND I HAVE SO MANY HECTARE'S OF LAND WHERE MY WORKER'S WORK FOR ME AND PRODUCE COCAINE FOR ME.
COCAINE BUSINESS IS THE BUSINESS I DO FOR A LIVING THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY AS A MULTI-BILLIONAIRE, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IN THIS BUSINESS AM TALKING ABOUT, THAT THERE IS SO MUCH CASH IN IT AND IT IS ONE BUSINESS THAT I REALLY KNOW THAT YIELDS BULK MONEY IN RETURN.
LET ME TELL YOU THIS, AM NOT INTO THIS BUSINESS BEFORE, BUT IT IS SOMEONE I MET 27 YEARS AGO IN MY EMAIL THAT INTRODUCED ME INTO THIS COCAINE BUSINESS SO MANY YEARS AGO AND TOLD ME TO INVEST MY MONEY IN THIS BUSINESS THAT I WILL NOT REGRET IT IN RETURN AND I FOLLOWED HIS ADVISE AND INVESTED MY MONEY IN THE BUSINESS AND TODAY THIS BUSINESS HAVE REALLY SHOWED ME THE WAY TO RICHES AND WHY AM TELLING YOU THIS IS BECAUSE IT IS WHAT I DO TO GET TO WHERE I AM TODAY IN MY LIFE AS A MULTI- BILLIONAIRE.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IN THIS BUSINESS FOR YOU TO MAKE IT, YOU HAVE TO INVEST WITH HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR YOU TO MAKE IT SO FAST THE WAY YOU WANT AND YOU MUST HAVE THE HEART OF A LION TO DO THIS BUSINESS AND YOU MUST ALSO HAVE MONEY TO DO THIS BUSINESS.
AM NOT TALKING OF ANY HOW MONEY HERE, THE TYPE OF MONEY AM TALKING ABOUT HERE IS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE ANYBODY THAT WILL DO THIS BUSINESS MUST BE A MULTI -MILLIONAIRE FOR YOU TO DO THE BUSINESS.
THIS BUSINESS IS NOT FOR ANYONE THAT IS POOR THAT CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY MY BILLS. I DON'T NEED ANYONE THAT HE/SHE PERSONALLY KNOWS THAT HE CAN NOT AFFORD MY BILLS TO EVEN BOTHER ME WITH HIS EMAIL BECAUSE THE TYPE OF MONEY AM TALKING HERE IS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, THE ONLY PEOPLE I WANNA SEE IN MY EMAIL IS SOMEONE THAT HE/SHE REALLY KNOW VERY WELL THAT HE/SHE CAN AFFORD MY BILLS WHICH IS (2.4 MILLION USD DOLLARS)
IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN AFFORD MY BILL OF (2.4 MILLION USD DOLLARS) YOU ARE VERY WELCOME TO DO BUSINESS WITH ME AND THIS (2.4 MILLION USD DOLLARS) I CHARGE FOR MY OWN COCAINE IS THE PRICE I USE TO SELL IT TO MY FORMER BUYERS THAT BUY FROM ME FOR SO MANY YEARS AGO.
IT HAS BEEN PLACED ON THIS PRICE FOR SO MANY YEARS NOW AND I SELL MY OWN IN TWO FULLY LOADED BRIEFCASES FOR THE PRICE OF (2.4 MILLION USD DOLLARS) THAT IS THE PRICE I HAVE BEEN SELLING IT, SO IF YOU ARE COMING TO BUY FROM ME I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU MUST HAVE MY MONEY AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST OR THE SECOND PERSON EVEN THE LAST PERSON THAT I RENDER SERVICES TO.
AM HERE TO DO MY BUSINESS AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN IN THIS BUSINESS FOR MANY YEARS NOW, S0 IF YOU WANT TO BUY FROM ME AND IF YOU WANT US TO DO BUSINESS YOU MUST AGREE WITH ME AND DO WHATEVER I ASK YOU TO DO.
NOTE; IF YOU WANT US TO DO THIS BUSINESS YOU MUST PROVIDE ALL THESE DETAILS THAT I NEED.
(1)YOUR-----EMAIL ADDRESS
(2)YOUR-----PHONE NUMBER
(3)YOUR PICTURE(IS IMPORTANT)
(3)YOUR-----COUNTRY(WHERE YOU RESIDE AND YOUR NATIONALITY)
IF I RECEIVE ALL THE DETAILS I ASKED FOR, THEN I WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE READY FOR BUSINESS WITH ME.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE PACKAGE WILL ONLY BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY MY SALES PARTNERS AND THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR ME AS MY SALES PARTNER ARE HIGH SUPER STARTS CLASSIC CELEBRITIES AND REV PASTORS.
I WILL NOT MENTION THERE NAMES TO YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR ME FOR SO MANY YEARS NOW AND THEY ARE TRUSTWORTHY.
I HAVE SO MANY OF THEM THAT WORKS FOR ME AND DELIVER MY GOODS TO ANY OF MY CLIENT THAT NEEDS MY SERVICES, THEY WILL BE THE ONE TO DELIVER IT TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY OR THE CITY YOU ARE STAYING IF YOU AGREE WITH MY TERMS.
NOTE: IF WE MUST DO THIS BUSINESS YOU WILL AGREE TO MY OWN TERMS WITH NO QUESTION OR ANY CHOICE OF PAYING HALF OF THE MONEY WHICH IS (1.2 MILLION USD DOLLARS) TO ME AS AN ADVANCE INTO THE ACCOUNT INFORMATION THAT I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU TO BE USING IN SENDING THE HALF OF THE MONEY TILL YOU ARE DONE SENDING IT, AGAIN REMEMBER TO KEEP MY REMAINING BALANCE OF MY MONEY ONCE YOU RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE YOU WILL GIVE THE BALANCE TO MY DELIVERY PARTNER THAT WILL GET YOU THE PACKAGE TO YOU.
IF YOU AGREE TO MY TERMS EMAIL ME BACK IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH MY TERMS. I WILL BE WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR DETAILS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND LETS GET DOWN TO REAL BUSINESS.
IF YOU ARE SURE THAT YOU WANNA DO BUSINESS WITH ME THAT YOU HAVE THE MONEY I PLACE FOR THE COCAINE EMAIL ME BACK, AM NOT HERE FOR SHIT, IF YOU WANNA MAKE REAL CASH EMAIL ME BACK, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY DON'T EMAIL ME.
AM NOT BEGGING ANYONE THAT KNOW THAT HE/SHE CAN NOT AFFORD MY BILL TO EMAIL ME BACK,IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY WHICH IS (2.4 MILLION USD DOLLARS)AND AGREE WITH MY TERMS WITH NO QUESTION OR ANY CHOICE TO PAY ME THE HALF OF THE MONEY WHICH IS (1.2 MILLION USD DOLLARS) BEFORE YOU WILL RECEIVE THE PACKAGE, AND ONCE YOU ARE DONE PAYING THE HALF OF THE MONEY (1.2 MILLION USD DOLLARS) I WILL INSTRUCT MY SALES PARTNERS HIGH SUPER STARTS CLASSIC CELEBRITIES TO CARRY ON WITH YOUR DELIVERY WITH YOUR HELP OF YOUR ADDRESS OR ANY HERE YOU WANT THEM TO BRING IT TO YOU.
I ALSO WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS SO MUCH CASH IN THIS DRUG BUSINESS AND IT IS ONE BUSINESS THAT I REALLY KNOW THAT YIELDS BULK MONEY IN RETURN, BUT IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU CAN ALSO GO AND GET A LOAN FROM YOUR OWN BANK AS WELL AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO GET IT WITH NO DELAY. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE SO MANY HECTARE'S OF LAND WHERE MY WORKER'S WORK FOR ME AND PRODUCE COCAINE FOR ME ALL THE COCAINE I SALE WE PRODUCE IT IN MY BIG WAREHOUSE.
YOU CAN EMAIL ME BACK VIA MY EMAIL (mohammedbill234@citromail.hu) ALL WILL TALK ABOUT IS BULK MONEY, AM SELF MADE MONEY BOSS, I ASSURE YOU THIS TODAY FOR YOU TO BE A BOSS YOU GOT TO PAY THE COST FOR YOU TO BE A BOSS IN LIFE.
FROM YOURS.
Mohammed Bill.
I suspect you cannot bring the mountain to Mohammed.
-bill kenny
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