Words

I wear a lot of non-work shirts that are basically tee-shirts with a pocket. I don't understand shirts, or any article of outer clothing, that doesn't have pockets (perhaps socks could be the exception). Where else am I to keep all of the fun otherwise?

I have some spiffy sport shirts, and I think at least one with the guy on the horse, in my wardrobe at the moment. I don't think I have any of the shirts that have an alligator on them, or with an alligator eating a guy on a horse (I think we'd both remember that one). And while I used to have a lot of rock and roll tee shirts, mostly with a band or performer's name on them, I'm past all of that now, which is just as well as most of the folks I used to listen are disbanded or deceased.

I'm not a fan of the 'clever sayings' tee-shirts though I suspect they have a more official sounding name than that. I find very few of the things folks have on their chest, or lower, and/or on their back to be thigh-slappingly funny. I see a lot of people of both sexes (or should I say 'of all sexes'?) at the gym in shirts and outfits that really make me feel every day of my nearly six decades.

I've encountered women who look to have spray-painted their exercise clothes on. I can always tell with the tops because there are two buttonholes too few and on a cold morning too many party hats. Make no mistake: I am happy you are comfortable with your body (after all, you're the one inside of it); can you understand me not so much?

The other day there were two guys wandering the facility while I was cursing the treadmill (as it was kicking my butt again) in the kind of clothes that lead you to believe their households are governed by that 'first one up is best one dressed' rule and they are late sleepers. On the front of the one guy's black tee shirt in white letters was "Weakness is for Tussies" but they used a P instead of a T when they made the shirt. On the back, was "Balls to the Wall" (without a second S for wall).

The fellow alongside of him had a shirt back with "Train Like a Maniac" and when he turned around, he had what appeared to be a self-portrait of himself on the front, under his chin. And people wonder why I insist on earpieces and listening to the audio player(s) in my cell phone. I am now so rude that when speak to me I NEVER remove the ear pieces, repeating over and over again, 'I won't hear you, I won't hear you.' Some think I should say can't but I've chosen that verb deliberately.

I actually have a shirt with a slogan, I got it years ago and it's still true. People smile when they read it though they shouldn't. It says "I probably don't like you either." In light of how my treadmill treks haven't been working out, it might be useful to get a shirt with my name and address on one side and 'other side up' to go with it. And then hope all those folks from the Literacy Volunteers keep their funding.
-bill kenny